Following divorce Jilly's mum makes it almost impossible for her Dad to see her. At an appeal court the Judge appears to decide that it will be better for Jilly if contact with her father is denied. Can this be fair and good for either Jilly or her Dad? By the time Jilly was 4 years old her parents had fallen well and truly ‘out of love’ with each other and were getting a divorce. However neither of her parents had fallen out of love with Jilly and Jilly remained firmly attached to both her mum and her dad (no matter how much they argued and bickered!) When Jilly’s parents separated it was decided that Jilly would live with her mum but Jilly expected that she would continue to see her dad and have some special time with him.
Mum moaned about Jilly having ‘contact time’ with her Dad. Jilly really looked forward to it at least in the beginning. After all she was used to having the time and attention of two parents, and there were lots of things that she and Dad did together that Mum didn’t really enjoy, like splashing in puddles, play fighting, climbing trees and spotting all the ‘wow’ cars on the dual carriageway. Mum said that little girls shouldn’t get muddy, or tumble around on the floor, or rip their jeans, or distract her when she was driving she said that Dad was immature and didn’t know how to bring up a little girl, and that he only did fun things with Jilly because he was trying to ‘steal’ Jilly’s affection. Jilly wasn’t sure what any of this meant and now she was confused she wanted to see Dad, but perhaps Mum was right. Perhaps he wasn’t a good Dad, perhaps he was a thief?
Jilly always felt as if she was in trouble when she got home from a visit with Dad. Mum cried before she left, shouted a lot when Dad arrived, and was still crying when Jilly returned. That night Mum would tell Jilly how sad, lonely and frightened she was when Jilly wasn’t there. Mum was worried that Jilly might get hurt because ‘Dad didn’t really know how to look after little girls.’
Soon Jilly began to dread those days before Dad came to take her out, she hated Mum crying, she hated the shouting on the door step, and she felt frightened and worried what if something happened while she was out with Dad? Mum said ‘he wouldn’t have a clue’ Jilly started getting tummy aches and headaches the night before Dad’s visits, she hardly had to sneeze and Mum would be on the phone to Dad to tell him she was too ill to see him. On a couple of occasions Mum organised for her to go and see Granny instead. Eventually Jilly saw less and less of Dad. To start with, after he knocked the door and Mum told him to go away Dad would sit for a while in his car outside and wave at Jilly up in her bedroom. Sometimes he looked angry, but most of the time he just looked really sad.
Jilly felt sad too, but she couldn’t tell Mum because that would only make her cry. By the time Jilly was six visits with Dad had stopped completely, they did chat on the phone occasionally, usually when Mum was in the bath. Once Dad said something about a Judge deciding that it was better for Jilly if they didn’t see each other anymore. Jilly’s tummy aches and headaches had stopped, Mummy didn’t cry as much and there was no more shouting and no more ‘contact’ days But Jilly really missed those special times with Dad and now that she was six she could help Daddy if things got tricky. She still loved her Dad and her Mum and Granny. she couldn’t remember the last time she saw Nanna and Gramps. Jilly wondered if they still loved her? Jilly longed for more special days with Dad if he didn’t come soon he’d be too old to climb trees!
This fictional story, written by Nicola Watson, is included to provoke you to consider the following questions:
There is strong, all party support in Parliament for a legal presumption of parenting time in favour of all fit parents. The case is argued in Tony Coe’s SHARED PARENTING - The Right Starting Point, which can be downloaded free from: Equal Parenting