Sir Paul Coleridge has called on people to re-think the "re-cycling" attitude to relationships which he believes has damaging consequences for the children caught up in the heartbreak.

His call to "mend it - don't end it" came on the day that divorce lawyers are expected to receive the highest number of inquiries as people reassess their lives after spending time with family during the holidays.

Sir Paul, 62, who has been married for almost 40 years and has three children, said: "My focus is on the children. I am unashamedly advocating marriage as the gold standard for couples where children are involved."

Sir Paul told The Times that his profession has made its fortune from marital breakdown and "it is now time to put something in".

Lisa Macdonald, a solicitor specialising in divorce, matrimonial and family law, said that in January last year she had about 26 new clients, while for the rest of the year she had between 11 and 15 new clients every month.

The most recent figures from the Office for National Statistics show that the number of divorces in England and Wales in 2010 was 119,589, an increase of 4.9 per cent since 2009, when there were 113,949 divorces.

In 1970, 22 per cent of marriages ended in divorce before the 15th wedding anniversary, whereas 33 per cent of marriages in 1995 had ended after the same period.

Sir Paul will take comfort from the fact that there are couples who are still willing to make their marriage work, as counselling service Relate has said that January is also a hectic month.

A spokeswoman for Relate said: "This is our busiest time of year. There's always a huge spike in calls in January. We find that people take stock after the Christmas break because maybe they've had a rough Christmas."

In January last year, Relate reported a 20 per cent increase in calls and a 66 per cent increase in visits to its live chat facility.

Read more about this story at The Telegraph Website.

Family organisations, including Relate, Netmums and the Family Matters Institute have received Government funding to deliver national online and telephone support services, Children’s Minister Sarah Teather announced today. 

The Government is providing up to £11 million to eleven voluntary and community organisations to deliver the support. Specialist organisations including the Family Rights Group, Young Minds and Contact a Family are among those benefiting from the funding.

Families will benefit from a range of support including relationship advice , advice on education issues such as exclusions and information about benefits, and services tailored specifically for father provided by the Family Matters Institute's very own www.DadTalk.co.uk.

Families who need it can also get specialist support – such as parents of disabled children and those with special educational needs and parents whose children have mental health or behaviour problems.

Children’s Minister Sarah Teather said:

All parents need help and advice at some point to deal with the normal challenges of everyday family life. And some parents need more intensive support for the particular challenges they face. The organisations we are funding have a proven track record in supporting families and are trusted by parents. We know thousands of families want and use their services.

It’s the Government’s job to support mothers and fathers to be the best parents they can be, without interfering in family life. Online and telephone support will give them the help they need, when they need it, and in a way that works best for them.

Matt Buttery, chief executive of Family Matters Institute and co-founder of www.DadTalk.co.uk, said:

“Dads have a unique and enduring impact on the lives of their children.  We are pleased to receive Government support and recognition to continue to develop and expand a service providing high quality parenting advice and information in a dad focused format. 

At this time when families are most under pressure we are working with partners to offer dads free support and advice on antenatal issues, legal issues, debt, relationships, alcohol and paternity to name but a few.

This funding will do much to support the development of a new coaching service and enhancing our capacity to support the increasing numbers of fathers looking for high-quality trusted, help, information and advice - all available through any device connected to the net"

Notes:

Family Matters Institute operates the DadTalk.co.uk online advice and support service specifically for dads.

Further information can be found on the Department for Education website click here

I didn't quite believe the headlines on the radio as I was waking up this morning and so had to pick up a newpaper to double check.....

"Only 60 babies were adopted in England last year....... from 3,660 less than one year olds inthe care system"

Shocking statistics that need the government locally and nationally to rethink the system.  On one hand I am totally heartened that adopters are put through a tough selection process as committing to provide a permanent home and family to some of the most vulnerable children in our country is a serious task. But we really have to rethink how to speed up that system, without losing the rigour, or let down a generation of children.

Foster carers do an excellent job, but as one myself, I am always looking to find a permanent solution for any child that comes through our door.  However, with something like a third of adoptions breaking down we need to look at the whole system to ensure prospective adopters understand the reality, and that the system itself does not present unnecessary delays.

I made some comments on BBC Newcastle this morning if you want to hear more our our views or check out our DadTalk site for comment and links.

Links

Matt Buttery on BBC Newcastle at 8.40am, 29/09/11 http://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/p00kbzsf

http://www.dadtalk.co.uk/search?searchword=adoption

http://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/home-news/just-60-babies-a-year-adopted-in-england-2362687.html

So the Government announced over the weekend a trial offering vouchers for parenting classes to mothers and fathers of children under five. This is part of plans to increase support for parents to help them communicate better with their children, encourage good behaviour, and prevent problems developing later on. 

Family Matters Institute welcomes this initiative and the recognition of the evidence that shows parents are the single most important influence on their child's development. Parents have a lasting and positive impact on their children's emotional, physical and intellectual development, and supporting them in this crucial role is in our view the single most important task for this Government.

The trial is likely to run in three or four areas of the country. The Government hopes to encourage demand for parenting classes and reduce the stigma of asking for information, advice and help with parenting.

Around three-quarters of parents say they want more information and support to help their parenting. The vouchers will potentially benefit parents from a wide range of backgrounds, not just those who may have significant problems, like drug or alcohol abuse. Many good and able parents still need information and advice in the early years of their child's life.

Most parents will have accessed antenatal classes during pregnancy, which provide useful guidance and support. The trial will give parents similar access to parenting classes in the first five years of their child's life, so that support does not stop when their baby is born but is available right through to when their child starts school.

Children's Minister Sarah Teather said:

The Government should do all it can, without interfering in family life, to support parents to be the best they possibly can be.

The first few years of a child's life can be the toughest period for parents' relationships. And these early years are also the most crucial for healthy child development.

Parenting classes can be life-changing because they give parents the skills to manage challenging situations, give their children clear and firm boundaries and help them learn the consequences of their actions. This strengthens families and means children are better behaved, more respectful and can achieve more at school.

Increasing help, advice and support before a child reaches school age also reduces the likelihood of families needing more expensive support later on. It makes moral, social and economic sense.

The Government wants to make asking for parenting support the norm rather than the exception. The Government will work with organisations with an existing track record to test the supply and demand for universal parenting classes, as well as other products and services that support families in the earliest years of a child's life.

For More Information:

www.DadTalk.co.uk - a web based information and advice service for any man in a fathering role.

Department of Education Press release see http://www.education.gov.uk/a00198258/government-trials-parenting-classes-for-all-parents-of-children-under-five

So there has been a flurry of debate in the media again this week about consumerism from banning advertising aimed at children to bashing parents for buying their kids stuff as a guilt offerings for working long hours. 

On one level I like the idea of a media ban.  This time of year is when the ad's start revving up towards Christmas.  Children's TV is sandwiched by manufacturers trying to ensure their product is the 'must have' this Christmas.  However, I tend to agree with Reg Bailey from the Mothers Union, that it would be pointless as its not the TV and magazine ads but the internet, and that such a 'ban' would never really be enforceable to such a degree that it 'solved the problem'.

I remember back to the days of the Telebubbies toys coming out and the run on almost all but Twinky Winky (but the reasons for that are for another blog me thinks!).  People were paying silly money, just to get one for their kids that Christmas.  We were skint at the time and so out of the race, but it was funny buying one 9 months later when the when the prices had been cut because something else was now in that 'must have' spot.  The pressure though was huge and I watched some of my friends spending £60-70 on, well - a cuddly toy!! Craziness.  At one level I suppose this sort of behaviour shows we as parents want to give our kids the very best.  Perhaps wanting for them, what we never had.  Or, perhaps just wanting their happiness and sense of pride at being so cherished that their mum &/or dad would go to any length to get them the latest must have. 

However, what was interesting about the UNICEF report though was the conclusion that rather than gifts children actually just want time.  Time with mum & dad where they connect, whether watching a movie, playing a game (on a screen or the kitchen table - it doesn't really matter), helping with homework, reading a book, playing sport or just simply sharing a cup of tea together.  What a simple, yet difficult challenge that conclusion is.  As a parent of 5 and with both myself and my wife working in pressured jobs, time is a premium commodity.  Yet a simple act of fixing something together, watching a movie, walking the dog, or even using the time spent taxi-ing kids around to talk can have much more impact than the latest Apple gadget or item of clothing - or Lala cuddly toy.  

I think as a nation, and the Government in particular, do need to look at advertising rules, particularly the £100 million spent each year on advertising aimed at children.   However, whilst they get on with that bit- as a Dad I'm texting one of my sons to suggest a movie and snacks this weekend.  I know we as parents are still one the hugest influences in their lives - for now.  So I'm going to do my bit, and I suppose seek to 'grow the grass longer than the weeds'

Useful links:

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/debate/article-2037282/UNICEF-report-Parents-spend-time-money-children.html?ito=feeds-newsxml

http://www.education.gov.uk/b0074315/bailey-review/introduction-from-reg-bailey

http://www.guardian.co.uk/commentisfree/2011/sep/14/children-happy-reduce-inequality

http://www.independent.co.uk/news/media/advertising/advertising-ban-wont-stop-brand-bullying-says-childhood-expert-2354917.html

This new website has been a work in progress for a few months, and we've taken into account what we've heard from you - our partners, clients, and friends - about what you need from familymatters.org.uk.  As we get things rolling, we're sure there'll be a few glitches to sort out, but we'd love to get your feedback about what works (and what doesn't) on the site.  

Can you find what you're looking for?

Are there resources you'd love to see here?

Have we answered your questions?  

Drop us a line at info@familymatters.org.uk with your thoughts and comments.

And come back here, to the FMI blog, to keep up-to-date with news that affects your family.  

We'll be blogging a few times a week with updates on what we're been doing, which is what we've always been doing: getting to the root of Britain's social issues by providing research, training, and resources that help strengthen families and marriages.

Thanks for taking the journey with us!